Seven Essential Coaching Questions
What if you didn't have all the answers?
I used to think being a good leader meant having all the answers. So when my team brought me problems, I'd jump straight into fix-it mode, taking on conflicts that weren't mine, making decisions I should have guided them toward, and essentially robbing them of their own growth opportunities. However difficult it may have seemed in the moment to not step in.
Over time (and not without a few hard lessons), I learned that helping doesn’t always mean solving. True support often looks like creating space for someone else to figure it out for themselves. And knowing when it is really time to also share your opinions.
A book I recently came across made me think of those early people management days, and how it could be so useful to someone else. That book is “The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier”.
This book is an easy read, and a good one for someone who is put in a leadership position but doesn’t know how to coach others. It has a great reframe on important questions to ask when you feel stalled to ask the next right question.
If you have people on your team, or work in a highly collaborative environment, where you depend on each other, this might be useful to you when having important conversations.
These seven questions help people slow down, reflect, and uncover their own answers. And once you get used to asking them, you’ll find they don’t just work in leadership, they work in coaching conversations, in friendships, even with family.
I’ve used them now in 1:1s, career conversations, coaching sessions, and yes, even with people in my inner circle who were feeling stuck.
I recently used “What's the real challenge here for you?" in a career conversation, and the person revealed the pain of dealing with uncertainty in this job market. She has a great job at the moment, and this insight helped her see how she was prepared in case something happened, and that in the moment she was creating her own anxiety.
One question shifted her from anxiety to clarity in under five minutes.
The book doesn’t replace the need for managers to get coaching training. In fact, I feel that all managers must get coaching training. Just makes you a better person that can coach others. Think of these questions as another framework of tools accessible to you when you feel like you need to know the next right question.
Here's how each question works in practice and when to use them.
The Kickstart Question: “What's on your mind?”
This is how you open the door. It's not “how’s it going?” it’s “what’s really going on?”. I love using this in 1:1s because it puts the agenda in their hands.It says: This is your time. Start your next check-in with this, and just listen.
Don’t jump in. Let them go where they need to go.
The AWE Question: "And what else?"
What’s said first is rarely what matters most. This one has taught me patience. It allows for layers to unfold.
Use it when you sense there’s more behind the first response. It's gentle, and incredibly powerful. And be ok with using it multiple times.
It’s amazing the depth that this question allows you to go into.
The Focus Question: "What's the real challenge here for you?"
I come back to this one a lot during coaching. It helps people move from venting to insight. You’re not solving, you’re helping them see their specific stuck point.
Use it when a conversation feels like it’s circling. It brings clarity.
The Foundation Question: "What do you want?"
Not everyone is used to being asked this. But it invites agency. It can shift someone from a passive role to a powerful one. And when I ask myself this question, it helps me cut through the noise.
When someone seems frustrated or unclear, ask: What do you really want here? Then pause.
The Lazy Question: "How can I help?"
This one keeps me honest. It stops me from jumping in with assumptions or over-helping (yes, recovering helper here).
Say it with genuine curiosity. It creates space for the other person to define what support looks like.
The Strategic Question: "If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?"
This question invites reflection on trade-offs. As a leader, we’re often saying yes out of obligation or fear, but this helps prioritize. It’s useful for what projects to say yes to, time management, decision-making, and even career moves.
The next time someone says they want to take on something new, ask this. It sharpens their thinking and protects their capacity.
The Learning Question: "What was most useful for you?"
This closes the loop beautifully. It builds a habit of reflection. And as someone who values growth, I love knowing what landed as it helps me learn, too.
Use this at the end of your next 1:1 or coaching convo. It deepens learning and gives your conversation a lasting imprint.
Final Thoughts
Asking the right questions is important, but equally important is being ok with silence, and giving the other person the space to answer at their own pace. This allows for their own breakthroughs and insights.
By using these questions, you can help others
Identify and articulate their challenges
Explore potential solutions themselves
Get clear and focus on their goals
Make informed decisions
If you’re someone who wants to coach more, lead more thoughtfully, or just build stronger relationships, these questions are a toolkit.
They're practical, lightweight, and invite the kind of depth we often skip over in our fast-paced workdays.
Here's what I've learned: The right question at the right moment can be more powerful than any advice you could give.
It can turn a frustrated team member into a problem-solver, a stuck colleague into someone with clarity, and a passive conversation into a breakthrough moment.
You don’t need to use all seven at once. Pick one of these questions. Practice it.
Notice what happens when you resist the urge to fill the silence, when you trust someone else's wisdom to emerge. Because the best leaders don't have all the answers, they ask the questions that help others find their own.
Hi, it’s Dipti , and I’m a leadership coach. Each week, I write about a personal development story, leadership, career growth, or navigating change as an ambitious professional.
P.S. If you’re an ambitious leader and curious to know how I can help you in your next chapter of growth - connect with me